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My husband suffers from gout as well as a SEVERE case of “white coat syndrome”. I've watched him suffer time and time again from the symptoms of gout for the last ten years. I feel so helpless and worry about nagging him to death about getting help. He chooses to suffer rather than go to a Dr. His health is deteriorating rapidly and the gout is acting up more and more frequently. His legs and elbows are now grossly deformed and, even when he's not having a flair up…..he limps when walking because of the damage done to his joints. It won't be long before he can't walk. Im so afraid of the future. He is a VERY intelligent man and chooses to suffer rather than see a Dr. I'm having a REALLY difficult time understanding why he would choose the path he has. Is anyone able to make sense of this?
Frankly, no. You have my deepest sympathies. To be honest, I feel this is something you will need to seek advice from people who are trained in counseling because this is a psychological problem and may also reflect a need to examine issues within your relationship. Probably the best place to start would be to talk to your own Dr about how the situation is affecting you.
Obviously, an ultimatum such as threatening to leave (or actually doing so) until he's seen a Dr and begun medication would seem to be your only hope of making him wake up to the reality of his situation, but I suspect this would be unlikely to address the deeper isues which are clearly at play here. Please seek qualified advice as soon as possible.
Good luck
One cannot easily get between someone and his death wish.
Can you persuade him to see a doctor ONCE and get an RX for a years' worth of either allopurinol and/or probenecid.
(Sometimes chronic tophaceous gout needs both.)
Tell him, that while his joint damage is readily apparent, the destruction of his kidneys won't be obvious til he's near death.
Does he have a clue how dangerous his behavior is?
Failing EVERYTHING, one can get allopurinol on-line rather easily although the inflate the price A LOT. This is NOT the way to go but if it is the only thing that will prevent his slow suicide, then it IS an alternative.
The alternative is to whack him with a frying pan and call for an ambulance…tell them you were sloppy flipping an omelet.
“White Coat Syndrome “usually refers to blood pressure that is fine at home but soars in the presence of medical personnel.
beachams2 said:
Post edited 4:23 am – July 11, 2010 by beachams2
My husband suffers from gout as well as a SEVERE case of “white coat syndrome”. I've watched him suffer time and time again from the symptoms of gout for the last ten years. I feel so helpless and worry about nagging him to death about getting help. He chooses to suffer rather than go to a Dr. His health is deteriorating rapidly and the gout is acting up more and more frequently. His legs and elbows are now grossly deformed and, even when he's not having a flair up…..he limps when walking because of the damage done to his joints. It won't be long before he can't walk. Im so afraid of the future. He is a VERY intelligent man and chooses to suffer rather than see a Dr. I'm having a REALLY difficult time understanding why he would choose the path he has. Is anyone able to make sense of this?
As a long term recovered alcoholic and member of AA who has watched people kill themselves with alcohol and other drugs, I would say, get help for yourself…your husband's history is like an active alcoholic who will not quit in the face of disabilty and death….alcoholism has a program for that ..its called Al-Anon…..is he a food addict?..food addcition can contribute mightily to gout..there is a 12 step program for food..two of them in fact…I would quit nagging and help myself…Al-Anon says let people experience their own consequences…when we do for others what they should do for themselves, we infantilze them…and usually they will never change..as a person who was active in my addiction, it was never my fault..I was full of self pity…and people in AA..said…”take action or die”…I finally took action in 1984..and guess what..I got better…
Good luck honey…get help..its out there…
B2- I've just had a stay overnight in our local Hospital and everyone is gagging to get home asap- Quite normal, and the procedures often seem to assist- I'll say no more.
On line it amuses me to see people state 'avoid all Drs and Hospitals like the plague' – not because I agree, but because I know where they are coming from. Misdiagnosis and treatment is a major contributor to illness and demise, like it or not. The figures are clear and a rather large minority, at that.
So , that is to say – I understand your mans attitude, though it is at the extreme end, to be sure.
You have undertaken the 'prime carer role' and it's impossible to fulfill this position without medical training, so as suggested here you are putting yourself under immense stress by being truly loyal.
Don't underestimate your power here though.
In my book you have to convince your hub that you will have to get help to help him. He does need medication from what you've said -and, even if you have medical knowledge and advice – there is still the psychological aspect involved here, with resistance to going forward positively and comfort zones being challenged.
Yes, you both need hepl in different ways and to get this needs some careful moves forward.
Gout is a long term, established problem and will give you still some little time to get a handle on your difficult situation.
You have started in a good place here, anyway! Get the best advice on all these issues, that you can find/afford – and hang on in there! Stay in touch.
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